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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25193881">Still The Music Sounds The Same</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katlady2000/pseuds/Katlady2000'>Katlady2000</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:02:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,899</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25193881</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katlady2000/pseuds/Katlady2000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A Halloween story set against the backdrop of getting home.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Still The Music Sounds The Same</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Escorted
by an armada of the Federation's finest ships, Voyager sailed
through the peaceful space of the Alpha Quadrant. Finally home,
the crew gathered on the holodeck to celebrate their return, saying
goodbye to the ship which had been their home for seven long years. 
</p><p>With
the absence of Neelix, the party details fell to Tom. Not
content with just a 'we're home' theme on their final night
aboard, he'd scoured the databanks and discovered an old Earth
holiday called Halloween which coincided with the day. 
</p><p>With
energy conservation no longer a problem, he sought and received
permission for everyone to replicate a costume for the occasion. Each crew member was issued with a list of choices on what to wear. 
</p><p>The
result was a mixture of witches, ghouls, mummies, bats and assorted
'creepy creatures', as Naomi called them, all approved by the
organizer before the wearer could attend. 
</p><p>The
holodeck setting was a large barn, festooned with string after string
of coloured lanterns and fairy lights. Carved out pumpkins
containing candles sat on every available surface. Tuvok had
inspected the setting when he learned of the candles and insisted the
holodeck safeties were double checked and backed up before the
security officer was satisfied. A fire onboard would not have
looked good on the doorstep of Earth. 
</p><p>With
Tuvok on the bridge at his own insistence, and Voyager mainly on
autopilot, all but a skeleton crew gathered for the celebration. Within a half hour, the party was in full swing.   
</p><p>Kathryn
stood back and studied her crew in astonishment. She hadn't
really been in the mood for a party and was only here now because Tom
had insisted on her attendance, informing her that the crew would be
disappointed and upset if they didn't share the evening with their
captain. He'd smiled and told her he had their permission to
drag her there if necessary. 
</p><p>She
stood quietly in a corner now and watched everyone, shaking her head
at some of the costumes. Tom and B'Elanna were nowhere to be
seen, but she saw Harry. He was dressed in a full body, tight
black suit which had a skeleton painted onto the fabric, making him
look like a walking bag of bones. Glancing over the assorted
ghosts, some simply covered in a white sheet with holes for eyes and
mouth, her eyes fell on the Doctor. He wore a full wizard
costume and was in his element. Seven for her part, was a witch
of sorts and looked totally uncomfortable dragging a broomstick
around with her. Kathryn could almost read her thoughts about
the 'irrelevance' of the entire evening. The cutest sight
though was Sam and Naomi dressed as pumpkins, little and large. 
</p><p>Two
bats danced by before her and she stood a little further back. They smiled at her. "Evening, Captain. Love the
costume." She smiled and nodded back at them then sighed, her
whiskers tickling her face. She reached up and adjusted the
half mask she wore over her eyes. "Damn thing." She
rolled her eyes and looked down at her own attire, muttering to
herself. "You're a cat, Kathryn. How did you let
yourself get talked into this one?" 
</p><p>She
only intended to stay a while to 'put in an appearance' and
mingle with the crew for a while. She had her excuses all lined
up, citing the amount of work she had to get through before their
arrival, and how everything needed to be in place, all logs checked
and all reports finished and filed. 
</p><p>She
looked to the side now as she sensed someone standing beside her. Her eyes widened and she couldn't help the small smile which curled
her lips. Chakotay wore a long red cloak over a red body suit,
and carried a long fork. He was in full make-up, including two
horns stuck to his forehead. 
</p><p>He
looked Kathryn up and down and smiled also. "Captain…" He laughed when Kathryn continued looking at him. "I'm a
devil." 
</p><p>Kathryn
nodded and fought her smile. "Cute, Commander. I could
have told you that a long time ago." She shook her head as
she looked out over the barn. "Look at them all. This
is stranger than most sights we saw in the Delta Quadrant. Maybe we should have dressed like this every day out there. We'd have scared even the Kazon in this lot." 
</p><p>She
looked around and saw Chakotay watching her instead of the others. "What?" She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I know. And before you ask, I'm supposed to be a witch's cat." 
</p><p>Chakotay
smirked. "I guessed that already. I almost stood on
your tail." 
</p><p>Kathryn
glared at him and reached back to snatch up the offending appendage
which was fastened to her backside. "I've already fallen
over this thing three times. It's a damn nuisance." 
</p><p>Chakotay
took a sip of his drink to hide his amusement . "I seem to
remember a breed with no tails. Manx cats, I think. You
should have come as one of those." 
</p><p>Kathryn
twisted her 'tail' around her wrist. "I was given this. I didn't exactly have a choice." 
</p><p>Chakotay
realized she was serious and smiled sadly at her. "Not
enjoying yourself? Tom will be disappointed." 
</p><p>Kathryn
shrugged and scanned the crowd. "Where is he anyway?" 
</p><p>Chakotay
looked around and then pointed towards the bar. "See that
vampire over there? The one with the fangs and black cloak. Steer clear. He's bitten the necks of half the female crew,
and he's working his way through the other half." He hoped
some banter would chase away the depressive mood she seemed to be in
and get her into the swing of things. He forced a laugh. "Mind you, B'Elanna will do more than bite him later if he keeps
this up." 
</p><p>Kathryn
didn't even smile at his joke and his own smile slipped from his
face as he looked at her sadly. "You'd really rather be
anywhere else but here, wouldn't you? You only attended and
dressed up to please the crew." He saw her eyes through the
slits in her mask and the sadness there stunned him. "Kathryn…"

</p><p>Before
he had a chance to say more, a 'spider' appeared before him. B'Elanna was in fine form and grabbed for her former captain. "Come on, Chakotay, you horny devil. You haven't lived
until you've danced with an arachnid." 
</p><p>Chakotay
glanced at Kathryn to see a smile on her lips. "Let me
guess. There was an 'accidental' mix up with the
synthahol." She nodded to herself and reached for her own
glass on a small table next to her. "That may not be a bad
idea." 
</p><p>Before
Chakotay could respond to that, B'Elanna pulled him onto the dance
floor, her four extra 'legs' nearly strangling them both. Almost immediately, the Delaney twins, in the guise of zombies,
joined in, making escape impossible. 
</p><p>Chakotay
went through the motions but something about Kathryn's demeanour
bothered him. He looked back to where she'd been standing but
there was no sign of her. His eyes scanned the holodeck and
finally he spotted her leaving through two large wooden doors at the
rear which he knew led to a pasture. He also noticed that she'd
refilled her glass. 
</p><p>He
finally managed to extricate himself from several intoxicated
ladies. He left the main barn area and followed Kathryn
outside. He scanned the pasture and eventually saw movement
down by some trees, and headed in that direction. 
</p><p>She
stood alone, leaning on some fencing and he watched as she drained
her glass. She jumped when he came up beside her. "Are
you following me?" 
</p><p>He
studied her carefully. "Just worried about you. Are you
all right?" 
</p><p>Kathryn
merely shook her head and continued studying the trees. "I
should be working on those reports and getting our logs in order." 
</p><p>Chakotay
leaned on the fence beside her. "Life isn't just about
work, Kathryn." 
</p><p>She
sighed. "Someone has to do it. They have to be
completed before we reach Earth." 
</p><p>Chakotay
looked more closely at her. "And what about time for you? You need to adjust to all this as much as the rest of us." 
</p><p>She
shrugged that off. "I'm fine." She placed a hand on
the fence and pushed herself away from it. "Well, I have
those reports and I'd better relieve Tuvok. I'll see you in
the morning." 
</p><p>Chakotay
studied her for a moment and sighed. "How long are you going
to allow yourself to be so alone, Kathryn?" 
</p><p>She
laughed at that, but the sound had a ring of sadness to it. "I'm facing weeks, maybe months, of debriefings. It'll be
far longer for me. I'll be too busy to think straight, and
I'll hardly be alone." 
</p><p>Chakotay
moved closer to her. "Define alone, Kathryn. You've
been on a ship full of people for seven years, but you've still
been alone a lot of that time. By choice, I might add. How will this be any different?" 
</p><p>He
placed a hand on her arm. "Kathryn, we're home. Not
just the ship and the crew, but you too. It's time you
realized that and let the captain go. It's time to be Kathryn
again." 
</p><p>She
pulled from his grasp. "Tuvok has bridge duty. He's
waiting for me to relieve him." 
</p><p>Chakotay
blocked her exit. "You'll be the same person there as you
are here unless you change. You can't run away from yourself
no matter how much the location changes." He reached out and
gently touched the mask she wore. "Tonight you're just
wearing a different mask." 
</p><p>Kathryn
pulled back and lowered her head. "I don't know what you're
talking about." 
</p><p>Chakotay
smiled sadly. "You can change the words, Kathryn, but the
music still sounds the same unless you rewrite the entire song." 
</p><p>She
looked away. "I think you've had too much to drink,
Commander."  She turned her head and looked at him when
he reached for her hand and took it. 
</p><p>"Kathryn,
most people do one of two things when they're lost or hurt. They pretend it isn't happening and try to hide from themselves and
cover it up…or they run away from it. It takes a very brave
person to do neither." 
</p><p>He
saw the pain his words caused. "Kathryn, what's wrong? Talk to me. You've been more withdrawn than usual the past
few days, and you've knocked back a few drinks yourself tonight. That's not like you. What are you so afraid of? We're
home. No one is facing any charges." 
</p><p>She
moved away from him before he could say more and her voice took on a
hard edge. "I still have work to do. Besides, we're
in the Alpha Quadrant, Chakotay, not on Earth. The journey
isn't over yet." 
</p><p>Chakotay's
voice hardened too. "Except for you that time will never
come. There'll always be some other reason not to let go. Don't delude yourself that you'll find time to be yourself again
when everyone is home and settled. The way to hell is paved
with good intentions." 
</p><p>Kathryn
glared at him. "They're my responsibility." 
</p><p>They
glared at each other until Chakotay sighed heavily. "God,
Kathryn, I don't want to fight with you on our last night onboard. I'm just scared for you." 
</p><p>Kathryn's
expression softened slightly. "I don't want to fight with
you either, Chakotay." She looked around her and shook her
head. "I've had enough fighting to last me a lifetime. I've fought every single day for the past seven years…every
day…every hour…every minute." She looked back at him and
he saw tears in her eyes. "I fought to get this ship home…I
fought to get my crew home…I fought to keep them alive…" She looked down at her hands. "I didn't always win those
fights." 
</p><p>She
looked back up at him, a faint anger replacing some of her tears. "But I still fought on, Chakotay. I fought to just get out of
bed in the morning…to stand upright on the bridge and face down
races who wanted to wipe us out for no other reason than the fact
that we were there. I fought to keep going every Goddamn
second." She advanced on him, her anger building. 
</p><p>"You
tell me we're home. Well, maybe you are, but I'm not. Not yet. I have to keep fighting for just a little longer. I have to face debriefings and I have to see my crew embrace their
loved ones. And I have to face those whose loved ones I left
behind." 
</p><p>She
reined in her emotions and swallowed. "So no, Chakotay, I'm
not home yet. Then…only then will I be home." 
</p><p>She
looked down and studied her empty glass and pulled her shoulders
back. "Now, if you'll excuse me. Enjoy the rest of
the party, Commander." With that she turned and walked
towards the exit. 
</p><p>Chakotay
watched her walk away and would have laughed at the sight of his
formal captain in her costume had the moment not been so serious. He shook his head and couldn't resist a parting shot. 
</p><p>"Will
you ever be home, Kathryn? Are you going to hide forever?" If she heard him, she showed no sign of it. 
</p>
<hr/><p>Debriefings
took two weeks for the crew, four for the senior staff and seven for
the captain. At the end of his four weeks, Chakotay and the
others were physically and emotionally drained. 
</p><p>He'd
seen Kathryn occasionally, buzzing around her crew, making sure
everyone was looked after and reunited with family and friends. He knew she also spent long hours with the families of those lost
during the journey. The effect of it all showed deeply on her
face. She'd lost weight and her hair and eyes appeared
constantly dull. He'd never seen her look so tired. 
</p><p>On
several occasions he tried speaking to her, but he could see she only
had one agenda and was focused on that alone. She was polite
with him and he thought he saw some kind of struggle in her eyes when
she looked at him, but as soon as she felt herself slipping, the mask
would go back in place and she'd excuse herself and rush off to the
next meeting. 
</p><p>His
own obligations to Starfleet over with, Chakotay wearily walked
away. He was undecided about his future and knew he wanted to
take at least the six months issued leave to decide the rest of his
life. 
</p><p>He
didn't see or hear from Kathryn over the next month, despite
leaving numerous messages for her, and that fact tore at him. Finally B'Elanna persuaded him to visit Headquarters and inquire
about their former captain. She waited outside for him and
finally saw him come towards her. His body language told her
what she didn't want to know. 
</p><p>He
sat down beside her and sighed. "Well, that's it. She's gone." He shook his head when B'Elanna frowned. "She finished debriefings four days ago and was given six months
leave. The same as the rest of us. She left no forwarding
address or at least none that they'll give me." 
</p><p>B'Elanna
tried to offer hope. "Perhaps she just needs some time to
herself. I'm sure she'll contact you soon." 
</p><p>Chakotay
stood up and shook his head. "No word from her in over a
month, B'Elanna. No goodbye. Let's face it. I've
lost her." 
</p><p>B'Elanna
had no answer for him. She feared for her old friend as much as
he feared for himself. 
</p>
<hr/><p>Chakotay
climbed the steps to his new home and sighed wearily as he keyed in
his entrance code. He stood in the open doorway for
several minutes and tried to quell the feelings of sadness and
loneliness he felt. 
</p><p>He
turned as he heard someone walk up the path behind him and saw a
young man carrying a small parcel. "Commander Chakotay?" 
</p><p>Chakotay
nodded as the man climbed the steps and handed the packet to him. "Can you acknowledge receipt please?" 
</p><p>Chakotay
frowned as he pressed his thumb print to the padd and muttered his
thanks to the receding back of the young man. He remained on
the porch as he studied the delivery for a moment before opening it. 
</p><p>And
then he felt his heart beat faster. 
</p><p>Inside
the box, lined in red velvet, lay four pips and the mask Kathryn had
worn that last night on Voyager. A sheet of paper lay folded in
the lid. 
</p><p>He
recognized Kathryn's handwriting immediately. 
</p><p>
"I have no more need of
these. Do with them what you will." 
</p><p>Sensing
he was no longer alone, he looked up and saw her, standing nervously
at the gate. There was no uniform. She smiled timidly,
and her face showed her fear that she'd left it all too late, that
he may not want her anymore. He saw the fear of rejection. 
</p><p>He
understood now, and realized that he should have known all along. Kathryn Janeway was that rare kind of captain. She couldn't
have rested until every last member of her crew was safely tucked up
in bed so to speak. 
</p><p>He
placed the note back in the box and closed it. And then the
smile that would never completely leave his face again began. He slipped the box into his pocket as he descended the steps and
walked towards her. Stopping in front of her, he opened his
arms. "Welcome home, Kathryn." 
</p><p> THE END.</p>
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